She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
