Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
