Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
