smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
