I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
