Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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