It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
