The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
