Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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