Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
