he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
