If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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