u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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