Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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