I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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