Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
