Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
