no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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