God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
