There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
