I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
