You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
