i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
