Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
