he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
