Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
