we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
