I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
