dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
