I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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