dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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