Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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