i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
