i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
