I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
