I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
