When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
