No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
