First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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