god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
