Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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