just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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