I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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