dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
