didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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