And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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