Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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