Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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