Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
