I wish my penis had an off switch
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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