i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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