ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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