All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
