I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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