Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
