i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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